Republican to English Dictionary

Republican to English Dictionary
From the jokephile* Author unknown

Alternative Energy Sources* /n./ New locations to drill for gas and oil.

Bankruptcy* /n./ A means of escaping debt available to corporations but not to poor people.

Burning Bush* /n./ A biblical allusion to the response of the President
of the United States, when asked a question by a journalist who has not been paid to inquire about non-issues.

Cheney*, Dick */n./ The greater of two evils.

Class Warfare* /n./ Any attempt to raise the minimum wage.

Climate Change* /n./ Progress toward the blessed day when the blue states are swallowed by the oceans.

Compassionate Conservatism* /n./ Poignant concern for the very wealthy.

Creation Science* /n./ Pseudo-science that claims George W. Bush's resemblance to a chimpanzee is totally coincidental.

*DeLay*, Tom* /n./ Past tense of De Lie.

*Extraordinary Rendition* /n./ Outsourcing torture.

*Faith* /n./ The belief that the Beatitudes (statements made by Jesus) include "Blessed are the rich" and "Blessed are the war makers".

Free Men* /n./ Halliburton no-bid contracts at taxpayer expense.

Girly-Men* /n./ Males who neglect opportunities to grope unwilling women.

God* /n./ Senior presidential adviser.

Growth* /n./ 1. The justification for tax cuts for the rich. 2. What happens to the national debt when policy is made according to Definition 1.

Healthy Forest* /n./ No tree left behind.

Honesty* /n./ Lies told in simple declarative sentences (e.g., â Freedom is on the march ?).

House of Representatives* /n./ Exclusive club; entry fee: $1 million to $5 million (See: Senate).

Insanity */n./ See: staying the course.

Laziness* /n./ When the poor are not working.

Leisure Time* /n./ When the wealthy are not working.

Liberals* /n./ Followers of the Antichrist.

No Child Left Behind * /riff./. There are always jobs in the military and strip clubs.

Ownership Society */n./ 1. A civilization where 1 percent of the population controls 90 percent of the wealth.

Apolitical - system in which all power is in the hands of the owners.

Patriot Act* /n./ 1. Pre-emptive strike on American freedoms to prevent the terrorists from destroying them first. The elimination of one of the reasons why they hate us.

Pro-Life*/adj./ Valuing human life UP until birth.

Senate*/n./ Exclusive club; entry fee: $10 milli on to $30 million.

Simplify* /v./ To cut the taxes of Republican donors.

Staying the Course* /interj./slang./ Continuing to perform the same
actions and expecting different results (See:insanity).

Stuff Happens* /interj./slang./ I don't have to live in Baghdad.

Voter Fraud*/n./ A significant minority turnout.

Woman* /n./
1. Person who can be trusted to raise a child but can't be trusted to decide whether or not she wishes to have a child.
2. Person who must have all decisions regarding her reproductive functions made by men with whom she wouldn't want to have sex in
the first place.

**The jokephile
- my collection of email jokes and not copyrightable by virtue of the piracy laws of the internet