THINGS I MUST DO BEFORE I DIE

I really don’t know what closure is, because I never finish anything. I think its an emotional disturbance or a fear of death. Buddhists say that you can choose your death if you are enlightened. But, if you are enlightened, then aren’t you are immortal? So when reality hits and you find yourself aging rapidly, death becomes inevitable – because everyone you know is dropping like flies, well, you start making a bucket list.

Things I must do before I die:

1. Rewrite the Bible – there’s a couple of versions anyway
2. shoplift a major appliance
3. join a cult and be deprogrammed
4. Send back food half eaten in a restaurant to avoid paying
5. walk out on a check
6. throw a drink in somebody’s face
7. Lead the cops on a high speed chase
8. smuggle 20 kilos from a South American country
9. go out with a blonde for that reason only
10. take out a personal ad that reads, “Not interested,”
11. say no to drugs
12. pose nude
13. start a sex scandal
14. meet the Kennedys
15. try out for a reality show