I'm Not a MORNING PERSON!!!!

Morning Person!!!!!

My idea of a ‘morning show’ is NOT chirpy, cheery chatter or raucous laughter or a rock concert.

I am not “a morning person.” I don’t know about you, but I speak Swedish before 12 noon. I need a half gallon of espresso to start my engine. If I could intravenously feed coffee into my veins at 6 A.M. like a morphine drip, I would. Why doesn’t somebody invent that?

Let’s just say, I wake up SLOWLY. I’m a conflicted and tortured artist, who by night, flies into a dream world of strangely subconscious states of memory, psychic suffering, and soul damage.  I toss and turn all night long and wake up and then return to my bizarre dream world. It’s akin to being locked inside a multiplex cinema for days and going from one movie to the next to see what’s playing.  When they told me I had an ‘overactive’ imagination in Journalism school, they weren’t kidding. I think I’m the epitome of a chemical imbalance.

So, when I wake up, I turn on the TV to see if there’s still a world outside. Maybe there’s been an Armageddon, how do I know? A manifestation of my nightmares comes alive in society. So, I have to be sure what is psychic and what is schizoid, and to check the weather and traffic, but, instead of sobering news and information, I’m subject to Meredith and Matt, Al and whoever, cheerleading us on to seize the day with our meager salaries and wages and/or unemployment while they partake in a variety show of music, dance, comedy, and not much news, except for the occasionally scare of disease, pestilence, and plague. Yesterday, it was showerheads that contain a contaminant microbiological virus that will shower you with Cancer.

Why are these people so happy? Aside from their seven figure salaries and two hour work day, I think they are ‘on’ something,’ and I want some.  My morning routine is reminiscent of the Jews being loaded onto cattle cars to get gassed by Nazis. And, yes, I have the same dread, or psychic scar, since I’m pretty sure I was a Jew in a previous life. And - probably killed by Nazis.  Or I read Ann Frank’s diary when I was much too impressionable. .

I did have a past life regression once, and realized I was a scribe in Ancient Egypt (and probably Jewish) and was killed by a cruel master. That’s all I remember, but I’ve had other past lives, none of which included being a princess or living in the lap of luxury. So, of course, I’m tortured each night by the collective unconscious. Aren’t you?

Okay, so Morning People, here’s advice for dealing with those of us living under rocks, in caves, under mushrooms, who prefer darkness, computer screens, movie theaters, and NIGHT TIME, do not speak loudly, or shine your light on us. We might be vampires and bite you. And, keep your children away since we know they are roosters who rise at the crack of dawn to cock a doodle doo, and Do not expect us to smile, laugh, or even talk since it should be apparent we are sleepwalking or sleepworking and its important not to disturb this somnambulism.