XMAS Frenzy Redux...

 Okay, remember last Christmas? Me neither....
I go visit my brother, his wife, their three grown children, and circle of friends from our hometown who now reside in L.A.
Heh, I'm single, and I'm just happy I have a place to go, but there's alot of people out there who flail about looking for Xmas. As they grow up and the elderly tier of their families DIE, they try to hang on to old traditions
But, my sister, her husband, their only child, a  grown-up, decided to embark on a Caribbean Cruise with my cousin, her husband, who grew tired of Christmas spent on the highways of New Jersey, which are often fairly icy at this time of year.

Only, the blizzard came a day early, and my cousin, Katie and her husband, Kevin, got caught in the tailwinds of a Nor'easter and their flight to Miami was cancelled -  abruptly on their way to Christmas in the Carribbean. That was a dream come true for me, and I was living vicariously through their experience, as I am an impoverished writer. But, I do live in San Diego, having escaped the brittle New Jersey winters out of fear of falling and breaking a hip. So, bah humbug, I say. But, I was so bummed for them. because, now there's a break in the force of the family web. Oh, c'mon, you know what I'm talking about.

My niece, a New Yorker, spent all night in the airport, waiting for a standby flight to Miami, and gosh darn it, she made it! But, then, I always thought she had a broomstick.

My sister and her husband drove through torrential downpours to get to Miami from their beachfront villa in North Carolina. They made it.

So, I call my cousin and try to sympathize, but bah, I'm having Xmas dread, nonetheless, and wonder, when do I get my  Christmas Cruise? Even, the little jaunt down to Ensenada would be great. Maybe, next year.
Why don't I ever have the dough to go? I'm always paying off Last Year...

I am so sick of being a struggling writer! Its time to publish the trashy bestseller! Tender is the Loin! I'm gonna make it so trashy, that it sells 25million copies. Only, I don't have an agent. I can't get published. Publishing is 'down." There's a recession on. The public is not buying hard copy novels anymore - they are buying E Books. Am I too late to be Jaqueline Suzann? or whatsername? or his name? Stephanie Meyer? Heh, I was a vampire when vampires were not cool...

C'mon, I need a little Christmas, right this very minute.....
candles in the window...

I'm gonna repeat a blog for your reading pleasure although people do not read anymore.
apparently, I will have to start a porn website...

The rerun:
I'm one of those people who prefers the Bermuda Triangle to Christmas and here's why:

I had a succession of retail jobs in high school and college where looped Christmas music drummed into my brain a monotonous cadence triggering subsequent psychotic episodes.

 cue audio:

...Just hear those sleigh bells jingle-ing Ring ting tingle-ing too Come on, it's lovely weather
For a sleigh ride together with you Outside the snow is falling And friends are calling "You Hoo"
Come on, it's lovely weather For a sleigh ride together with you 

Giddy-yap giddy-yap giddy-yap let's go ...

Another reason I don't like Christmas is THE DEAD.

Dead people seem to pop up at Christmas as 'we gotta go to the cemetary and put a grave cover on them..."  A grave cover is not cheap. I had a  happy childhood and enjoyed Christmas up until people started up and dying around the holidays, when a worldwide phenomenon of depression takes hold, and people decide to check out. And, then I had to engage in keeping them in their graves by 'covering' them with expensive evergreen blankets.

I saw people go into Christmas Frenzy where they shopped till they dropped, spent money they did not have, and and decked and decorated the halls with unpaid child labor.  I still hate gift wrapping.

Forced Socializing - Who doesn't love a christmas party with coworkers you can't stand?

My favorite? A endless boat ride around the harbor, a three hour tour, where the successive turns and swings made me seasick.

Begging - Everybody comes out of the woodwork trying to separate you from your cash.

I see posters for food banks and wonder where I can get on line.

Jesus - There is a timeline that accurately states Jesus was born in and around April 6th.

Do you KNOW how many times they've tampered with the calendar?

Jesus Redux - Don't pretend you celebrate Christmas for him and make your one visit to Church to atone for your sins. It doesn't work that way.

Okay, forgive yourself, you heathen

Jews - Jesus was Jewish, so why aren't we?  And, Jews don't go into Christmas Frenzy! They go to the movies!

Entrepreneurial spirit - The best way to make money is to have a Christmas Tree farm, get the farm deduction, and work three weeks out of the year. And, think of the secondary market in grave covers.

Santa - St. Nick, Santa Claus, whoever is a pagan god and gives you insight into greed and avarice, but its a lovely German myth. Ho Ho Ho...but one thing about this myth is:

TOYS OR ELSE!  when small children, some of which you never even met, demand you buy them toys and I'm sorry, but toys are not cheap.  Try to find a 'toy' for under $40 these days.

Drinking - no state secret that those depressed people are three sheets to the wind this time of the year. People buy booze, you have to buy booze, everybody is drinking, and if they're not, they are CRABBY.

And, the number one sign of Christmas Frenzy?

People are running away from home...so stay off the roads and away from the airports as many of them have been drinking!

Just hear those sleigh bells jingle-ing Ring ting tingle-ing too Come on, it's lovely weather
For a sleigh ride together with you Outside the snow is falling And friends are calling "You Hoo"
Come on, it's lovely weather  For a sleigh ride together with you Giddy-yap giddy-yap giddy-yap let's go merry xmas!